The Jeff Pulver Blog: Baby Bells Grow up with Dr. Seuss:

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March 06, 2006

Baby Bells Grow up with Dr. Seuss:

(Seeing as March 2nd marked Dr. Seuss' 102nd Birthday, I thought it would be appropriate to try to apply the wisdom of that seminal, influential figure in the life of so many American children with today's announcement signaling a new phase in the growth of the Baby Bells. With that said, below is a Seussian account of the proposed AT&T/BellSouth merger.)

Baby Bells: Grow up with Dr. Seuss

Ma Bell,
Break Bell,
Four Bells,
Remake Bell.

Blue State,
Red State,
Ivan State,
Ed State.

The plan has just begun to gel.
Someday soon -- a single Bell.
Say! How did we get back to Hell?

Stale Phone
Ripe Phone
Black Phone
Skype Phone.

Old phone had a little star.
New phone tracks and drives your car.

Some phones are thin.
And some are phat.
The phat one uses
IM chat.

Yes. Some states are red. And some are blue.
Some phones are old. And some are new.
Some offer less.
And some are fresh.
And some will work on Wi-Fi mesh.

Why are they
Less or fresh or Wi-Fi mesh?
I do not know.
Go ask Congress.

But too many of them
are just the same.
Don't ask us why.
It's a political game.

From there to here,
from here to there,
funny rules
are everywhere.

There are some
rules that curb the new.
They keep us stuck
In '92.

Oh me! Oh my!
Oh me! Oh my!
What a lot
of funny rules apply.

Some rules apply
just to voice.
And some rules
limit user choice.

Where do they come from? I can't say.
But I bet that we consumers pay.

We see rules come.
We see rules go.
Some rules speed progress,
And others slow.

Some rules are fair.
And some are not.
E-911 for VoIP
is one that's not.

It applies to VoIP
But not to sats?
How is that fair?
Who keeps the stats?

The rules are random,
Some dishearten.
How did we get here?
Go ask Martin.

Ivan, Duane, Dick and Ed.
Their voices ring in Martin's head.

Martin's reign
is somewhat new.
I wish I knew
Martin too!

Hype!
Hype!
Hype!
Did Kevin ever try to Skype?

Who am I?
My name is Ed.
I do not like
my little bed.

My bed is too small.
This is not right.
My feet stick out
of bed all night.

And when I pull them in,
Oh, dear!
My head sticks out of bed
up here!

We like our new bed.
It is made for three.
Our economies work
best like this,
you see.

We like our new bed
and this is why:
We make more money
when the bills get high.

Hello there, Ed.
How do you do?
Tell me, tell me
What is new?
How are things
in your little bed?
What is new?
Please tell me, Ed.

I do not like
this bed at all.
A lot of companies
have come to call.
A Vonage, yahoo, and a Skype.
Oh! What a bed! Oh! I've got to gripe!

Oh, dear! Oh, dear!
How can I get in gear.
With all these free-riders stalking near?
FCC and DOJ must prick up your ear.
Approve our mergers or I fear
I will not build the broadband pipes.
And then what of the VONs, what of the Skypes?
They cannot serve without my pipes.
So back to the era of Al Sykes.

My network's old.
My pot is gold.
But there's still more money
I'd like to hold.

My gloves are off,
My threat is bold.
I'll build the network
When I'm told:
that the merger's good,
the merger's fine;
then all Americans
will have broadband lines.

And now
my story
is almost told.

I took a look.
I saw a hook.
In my head
I wrote the book.
And in the book
What's mine, I took.

I do not like the
Internet so well.
All my rivals
yell, yell, yell.
I will not have these guys about.
When they come in
I'll put them out.

Hello!
Hello!
I am an IP phone user.
Hello!
I called you up
to say hello.
I said hello.
Can you hear me, Joe?

Oh, no.
I cannot hear your call.
I cannot hear your call at all.
This is not good
and I know why.
A Bell has blocked the line.
Good-bye!

From near to far
from here to there,
funny rules are everywhere.

Some companies provide some aps.
They want our customers
And think we're saps.
Their applications change too fast ...
so fast, I say,
they must pay me every day.

Who am I?
My name is Copps.
In my hands, I hold the mops.
to clean the mess of merger flops.
When I opt to stop a flop
I shake my head and mergers stop.

Look what Ed found
in the rain and down the drain.
We will take him home.
We will call him Duane.

He will live at our house.
He will grow and grow.
Will Americans like this?
We don't know.

And now
good night.
It is time to rest.
So we will rest
until the test.

Today is gone. The merger was fun.
Tomorrow is another one.
Every day,
from here to there,
more money for me is everywhere.

(c) 2006 Jeff Pulver. All Rights Reserved.
(This blog posting is copyright protected by Jeff Pulver. Portions of this blog posting may be quoted or abstracted if attributed.)

Tags: voip, AT&T, BellSouth, Jeff Pulver

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Posted by jeff on March 6, 2006 06:21 AM | Permalink

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Posted by: miki at May 28, 2006 08:57 AM

Now I know how Dr. Seuss would have sounded if he had no sense of rhythm or scansion. Thanks!

Posted by: shuggie at March 6, 2006 03:08 PM

1) What "tripwire" under the current FCC and/or DoJ staff would stop a merger? Does it stop when AT&T swallows back QWEST? When it makes a play for Sprint/Nextel next year?

2) When does the "new" AT&T become big enough to require additonal regulation, since it's size/mass make it big enough to try to and unilaterally impose new Internet pricing policies that would be "followed" for convenience by Verizon.

Posted by: Doug Mohney at March 6, 2006 02:29 PM

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And share
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Posted by: Tom Evslin at March 6, 2006 10:33 AM

Complex problems need simple explanations, and you really nailed it here, Jeff! Mr. Geisel would no doubt smiling if could be with us.

Posted by: Jon Arnold at March 6, 2006 09:43 AM

...and here I was thinking I had finally FINALLY gotten the cadence of "One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish" out of my head for good!

So, because the last stanza of the source materials is appropriate as well, I will share it here:

"Today is gone. Today was fun.
Tomorrow is another one.
Every day,
from here to there,
funny things are everywhere."

Posted by: K² at March 6, 2006 07:34 AM

March 06, 2006

Baby Bells Grow up with Dr. Seuss:

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