The Jeff Pulver Blog: Today's Question of the Day: Do you think kids' and teenagers' Internet access should be limited

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June 13, 2007

Today's Question of the Day: Do you think kids' and teenagers' Internet access should be limited

Today’s Question of the Day: Do you think kids' and teenagers' Internet access should be limited and if so, how? If you have kids, do you limit their Internet access with parental controls or other means?

Tags: Question of the Day, Jeff Pulver

Posted by jeff on June 13, 2007 02:13 AM | Permalink

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OK, so I get to be the contrarian. I have a 16 year old son and I have never made any rules about video games, Internet or TV.

First because I'm lazy -- if you make rules you have to police them and I barely have enough time to get my own work done.

Second, because I treat my son the way I want to be treated - and I don't want someone looking over my shoulder, reading my mail, checking up on me, and telling me I can't watch the Paris Hilton in "Women Behind Bars" 24/7 if I happen to feel like it. My son is a well-adjusted, healthy and active kid with a good group of friends, so I recognize that I'm pretty lucky. As for porn, I figure that if I find it repulsive, so would he.

Can any of you guys out there say honestly that you never looked at "dirty" pictures when you were a teenager? Did it turn you into a sexual sociopath? And how about those 16mm stag movies?

Finally, in a couple of years he's going to be legally an adult and can do anything he wants. Better that he should get his first taste of that in a safe place, home.

Posted by: Carolyn Schuk at June 15, 2007 02:10 PM

We just passed a bundle of laws in TX requiring schools to develop a list of resources to educate teachers and parents about how to keep kids safe online. I think it's important for parents to realize that the internet is just like the real world - and you should make sure your kids know not to accept candy from strangers. And NO WEB CAMS!

Posted by: Kristen at June 14, 2007 12:01 PM

My kids are very young- 7,5,2. Right now and for years to come its about sharing the experience with them. My eldest does surf a little bit, but my computer is and aways will be in the family room, so I am always right there. So far we've been lucky with the sex stuff, but a few online games have been too violent for my taste. We now stick to pre-approved sites for games.

I fully agree with CC: We need active and engaged parents being involved and aware of what their kids are doing online.

Posted by: Meg at June 13, 2007 11:17 PM

Well. No. I am just 18 and I would never got my job at Primelabs/Twingly (as blogger) or Getupdated (with SEO) if I couldn't sit down with internet and learning myself new cool things.

Okey, freedom is a problem for some people. World of Warcraft and other games can take a lot of time that they could doing better things on. But for hope, they learn something of it.

Not time restrictions but discussions with them so they can think: "Ah, that was not good.. best to change what I am doing at the net". An open discussion is the best thing. Social media and internet need conversations to get the full power.

Posted by: Anton Johansson at June 13, 2007 07:37 PM

No, I don't think any restrictions should be in place whatsoever. I have never met someone who has actually been shown to constructively benefit from having these restrictions. And there's a lot of evidence it's stunting and purposeless.

Posted by: Alex Balashov at June 13, 2007 04:09 PM

My two younger sons are 14 & 9. They both use a PC in our den, with limited parental controls (via Norton) we set up years ago. The 9 year old can only visit sites I've previously approved, but he's usually happy to play PC games or other offline activities. If he wants to surf further, it's with me. He doesn't have email or instant messaging.

His 14 year old brother has a gmail account and AIM. Gmail does a good job catching spam, but I have all his mail forwarded to me anyway. His AIM chats are saved and he knows I can read them, but I rarely do. Just the knowledge that they're not private keeps him in check, I think. He has a MySpace page that I have the password for. He participates in a few forums that I also have the passwords to, and I haven't seen anything that concerns me.

Honestly, by they time they reach 16, (as with my oldest- he's almost 18 now) I have to trust them and not be watching everything they do, so I try to have as much influence as I can while they're young.

There's no one answer, each kid is different and needs different boundaries. It's impossible to stop kids from seeing things we don't want them to see, but I hope I'm teaching them what's appropriate, what's not, and why, and to not take anything online at face-value (particularly people they don't know.) It's not easy but it's important.

Posted by: Annie Boccio at June 13, 2007 03:42 PM

We don't need limits. We need active and engaged parents being involved and aware of what their kids are doing online.

Posted by: C.C. Chapman at June 13, 2007 03:16 PM

Teela (I'm Teela's dad) has had internet access for years. She's now 11, and the big question for the summer is whether she'll get her own MacBook when she starts Middle School.

So far she's only been able to use the 'net at home from a desktop in a corner of the living room. Until she started 5th grade she could only use it when either or mother or I was around, and we spot-checked. When she started 5th, she could use it but she had to ask.

The kids use laptops at school, and the school has filters, but I know stuff leaks through the filters. She's brought me examples of "weird stuff" from spam or banner ads, and we've talked about how to avoid those things. (For example, we agreed to ban YouTube, and I'll review any YouTube links friends send her to see if they are "okay for her." Her words.

So I'm not trying to raise a protected child, I'm trying to raise a smart, net-savvy, resilient young woman who can decide for herself what she wants to see, and how to avoid for herself what she doesn't. She and I are partners in that process.

I hope it's working.

tc>

Posted by: Tom Comeau at June 13, 2007 03:15 PM

Ideally, i want to say that because I am against censorship for me that I would not censor my children. I think checking histories and keeping computers in public spaces is a great idea but ultimately its a decision that will have to be made on a child by child basis.

Posted by: Wolfman-K at June 13, 2007 03:07 PM

My eldest daughter is 11 and very computer savvy so striking the right balance between freedom and safety net has taken a lot of work. Some of my guiding principles:

Education: I sat down with her and we googled stories about internet predators and how they stalked kids. After that, she completely understood why she needs to act thoughtfully and safely on the net. Now she always asks before using new services and we discuss whats allowed and what isn't.

Technology is no substitute for your time, attention, and discussion!!!! However, it can help:

OS X (and OS X server) lets me setup separate accounts for everyone in the house, each with a well defined parental control package - Apple rocks for putting this together. The six year old has no internet access (email, web, nothing). The eleven year old can only email/ichat with address book contacts which can only be added by me (admin). Her web surfing used to be limited to approved bookmarks, but I've loosened that since she started seriously using the web for school work.

I knew she really "got it" when she came up to me last year and asked if she could join Disney's Virtual Magic Kingdom. I walked over, looked at the site and saw it was an MMORPG. With vivid recollection of the kind of chat messages I saw in World of Warcraft, my immediate reaction was "No Freaking Way". She was crushed but understood and I went back to my office.

Ten minutes later she came in with a stack of printouts - the FAQ from Disney's VMK. She showed my how Disney had built the platform to be as safe as possible for tweens, how they constantly monitored the game and the other steps the took. I was totally impressed by her aplomb, and after reviewing the site in more depth gave her the thumbs up. She's been playing it ever since then.

That is the ideal relationship to have with your child and the internet. They understand that there are bad guys, and use you as a sounding board in refining their judgement about what's safe and what isn't.

Posted by: Lance Weber at June 13, 2007 12:49 PM

I trust my children, I DO NOT trust the Internet! It amazes me, a tech savvy mother, when I get pornography in my inbox (with in-lined gruesome porn photos which have the ability to sneak past any filtering system I can find!)

My son is 11 and if he has an assignment for school online or he wants to research something, I'm afraid I have to find a website first or with him. I don't want to risk him seeing something inappropriate or have a highjacked URL take him from a search on "salt water aquarium" to "lusty big girls".

I don't want the government to control what I see, but I wish everyone would stop being so "politically correct" about it too. Clean up the internet and make it a safe place!!! Pornography is rampant and vicious and I don't care if you like it! I am a mother and I don't want my children to be exposed to such vile filth! If you want to see this stuff, I'm sure you can find a way, but be honest and true to yourself and admit that it is NOT for everyone to see!

You are all such great and wonderful tech super stars, can you not find a way around this problem? There MUST be a way? Will some great and soulful developer stand up and become the "SUPER HERO" we need?! Help us because Godzilla is destroying Tokyo!!!!

Posted by: Harriet at June 13, 2007 11:55 AM

I think an important aspect of parental control is to limit the amount of time they sit in front of a computer. At 12 and 10 my kids are usually playing games and not getting into trouble. Still I think an hour or two a day is enough and we move them on to something else. They would sit there all day if left to their own devices.

Posted by: Ken at June 13, 2007 09:46 AM

I have 2 kids, twelve and turning 9 this week. They use the computer regularly, and we have no parental controls. I check the history; the computer(s) are located in more public spaces, not their bedrooms, and I trust them.
There may come a time when I have to switch this around. But for now, restrictions just aren't a big deal. I can forsee a time when I might have to put some restrictions on "playboy" type stuff, but until we get to that point, I prefer to go with the "I am raising my kids to be curious, ask questions, and explore, We have a close relationship, and if there's something that's inappropriate, we'll talk about it" plan.

I think raising kids who know what's ok and what's not is more important- I don't think anything they see or hear outside the home can really "Corrupt" or ruin them. That said, there are some images of sex & violence that isn't appropriate at these ages, but I look at it more as guidelines than censorship.

Posted by: Whitney at June 13, 2007 07:31 AM

Not a simple question. If there is a problem with unlimited open internet access - and there definitely is...
Then - parental controls will not solve the problem alone. Filters can be cracked, kids can go to friends or internet cafes. Instead children need to be educated from age zero how to consume and filter content of all types. A parent who installs a filtering program is fooling himself in thinking that that will solve the problem. That filter has to be part of a comprehensive family program, which I am the first to admit is easier said than done!

Posted by: Moshe Maeir at June 13, 2007 07:29 AM

Good question Jeff-always with parental controls only. We don't need governments trying to parent our kids.

Posted by: Mark Forman at June 13, 2007 03:30 AM

June 13, 2007

Today's Question of the Day: Do you think kids' and teenagers' Internet access should be limited

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