The Jeff Pulver Blog: Jeff Pulver's Suggested Facebook Friends Code of Conduct:

« Are you on Facebook? Give VoiceMail a try. | Main | Watch pulverTV: Next Show October 9th at 2pm EDT / 2000 CET »

October 02, 2007

Jeff Pulver's Suggested Facebook Friends Code of Conduct:

These days I am a full-time resident of Facebook. Since joining earlier this year, I now have close to 2,600 “friends” on Facebook. As I have spent time in Facebook, I have been working on an ever evolving approach I try to follow with respect to how I interact and communicate with my friends on Facebook.

I am not in any way suggesting that the Emily Post of Facebook would endorse my words, nor am I suggesting anyone else follow my suggestions. But if you are new to Facebook and you are wondering how someone approaches their Facebook friendships, the following is how Jeff Pulver is currently approaching his.

---

Jeff Pulver's Suggested Facebook Friends Code of Conduct:

- New friends are welcome. Please don't be shy.

- Please only friend me if you are a person. Companies need not apply.

- When friending, please share our common connection if there is one.
(I understand that sometimes I am an email contact and when you group friend people it is not always possible to indicate anything. I have the same issues when adding friends from my own contact databases.)

- Please feel free to send a message, VoiceMail and/or Video message.

- Poking is ok. And if I poked you it was meant as a quick way of saying hi.

- Please take a look at the photos I upload and tag them when you can. And feel free to comment.

- Please don’t be offended if I don’t choose to join your group or cause or event when invited or when I leave your Facebook group.

- Since I don't bite. Please don't bite. Friends protect friends from Vampires. And Werewolves.

- Please try to be more selective on which applications you share with me.

- As a friend, please make an effort to communicate with me. Maintain a running dialog.

- Please feel free to add your own suggestions/corrections to this list

---

So how do YOU approach friends on Facebook? What is YOUR Facebook Friends Code of Conduct?

Readers of my blog are invited to join me on both twitter and Facebook.

Tags: Social Media, Social Communications, Facebook, Jeff Pulver

Share this post:

Posted by jeff on October 2, 2007 05:25 AM | Permalink

Additional resources: Watch PrimeTime TV Shows | Watch the Jeff Pulver Show | Jeff's Qik Videos

Comments

These are things I struggle with as well. While I only signed up for Facebook in September-- actually, it was because I read an article you had written on why Facebook was better than LinkedIn-- I now feel completely connected to it as a way to connect with people that I've known.

When I signed up, I had something like 40 friends requests waiting for me, so I had an automatic network. The buy-in was there from the start. Now that I have a better understanding of how to use Facebook, I added it to my blog profile as a way to connect with me and people have been.

My wall isn't the problem, my groups aren't the problem, neither are my questions or photos, but I do have applications that aren't necessarily professional (hey, I like the hatching eggs, for one thing).

While we do our best to appear as professional as possible in real life, Facebook makes us a little more human, a little more personal, and a little more... average.

The one thing I do feel most strongly about that you mentioned as well is that if we friend each other, make it worth the while. If you don't know me, fine, but invest and comment-- create a conversation even if it is small talk. Otherwise, there is no benefit but to add a number to the list (meaningless in itself). If someone does friend me that I don't know, I ask why. Any reason counts that applies to me personally.

Good thoughts, Jeff. I am here from "Beth's Blog" and glad to have read your list.

Maya Norton
The New Jew: Blogging Jewish Philanthropy

Posted by: Maya Norton at November 10, 2007 05:31 PM

I seem to view Facebook from a very different perspective.

I believe from most college student's perspectives, Facebook is not an environment to meet new people, but rather a means of keeping track of those we've already met.

If someone added you as a friend because you had similar interests, that would be seen as odd, and not generally well received.

Facebook has for many more of a Rolodex effect. It's a way to keep track of those you already know. It makes communicating between friends who may live farther away much easier.

Most of those who jumped on Facebook earlier before it was opened up to non-college students were "Facebook snobs". It was a place for those who considered MySpace inferior. Because of this, anything that shares characteristics with MySpace is met with hostility, such as Apps or adding random friends.

This is not to say that college students don't use the Apps function. The majority use them to a degree, but to use too many is to revert back to the cluttered look that so many hated about MySpace.

An interesting note is that many high school underclassmen, who for years had been banned from Facebook until they entered high school, were forced to use MySpace if they wanted a social networking site. Once allowed in, they began to carry a lot of the MySpace culture with them, and you will be more likely to see current freshmen and sophomores with more apps and more "random" friends.

As far as "poking": a poke from a girl to girl is considered friendly, a poke from a guy to a girl or vice versa is considered flirting, and a poke between guys is strictly forbidden, unless as a joke that would require explaining later.

Untagging is a perfectly acceptable means of getting rid of embarrassing pictures, and is never looked down on.

It is looked down on to hold a conversation via wall posts. Don't write more than twice on a wall during a day, and not more than five times in a week. Conversations like that are better by messaging.

The "How do you know this person?" section is ignored, unless used to make a joke.

These rules seem to be generally accepted by most college students, but most of those I know by Facebook live down here in the Southeast US.

I'm curious. Is it different in other parts of the country, and can anyone compare the cultures between college networks and region or company networks?

Posted by: Reid at October 4, 2007 12:57 AM

Great topic.
I especially agree with the "be more selective on apps u wanna share", especially, as friends can see the apps other friends added, in the "feed".

The only thing I can add, is rather a question -
2600 friends? doesn't that actually "degrades" te value of each friendship. I mean, of course FB is not for intimate cyber-dialogue only, but still - 2600 active frineds - even with FB's smart filtering and feeds, Can that number even be maintaied?

What about the "spam" factor? With that number of friends, even if 1 in every 20 sends just 1 Bacn msg or notification, doesn't it create a constant overdose of data? Doesn't it harm the "overview" aspect of FB? being able to check out your social circle's activity "at a glance"?

If you keep that up, won't maintaining your FB becomes a full time job? (we'l need assistants & Secretaries for FB mainenance soon).

Also, what is the outlook on dismissing friends? When should we do it, and how do take into account the social/emotional reaction of the soon-to-be EX-friend?

if FB becomes too cluttered, it's bombarding u with too much info, instead of concising it for you in an easy intuitive manner...

my 2 cents, anyway...

Posted by: Davidi Silberstein at October 3, 2007 07:38 AM

I agree with all of it, Jeff.

I tend to befriend a lot of people who I don't know well but who I admire because of their blogs or other factors. When I request a friend I make sure to write a quick message about how I found them and why it is I want to "follow" them on FB.

My quick tip for the day: You can block an application when you get a request on FB. Instead of hitting the IGNORE button hit the JOIN button and on the next screen, lower right, you'll see a link "block this application".

I'm now vampire (and much other nonsense) free!

Posted by: Merlene at October 2, 2007 05:24 PM

I completely agree with you, on all points.
I really don't see a reason to add me, if you don't want to communicate with me, that's why I rarely add friends to my FB, unless I want to talk to them.
As for the apps - they drove me insane, some of them are sweet, but most - just a lot of silly used space.
By the way, I prefer to send a gift (a flower, a drink, a fish, an egg) instead of poking, I believe it's just nicer :)

Posted by: Eveline at October 2, 2007 05:03 PM

We both had Facebook on the brain this morning. I wrote blog post earlier about Facebook and using it as well - though mine was more of a rant. I really enjoyed this Code of Conduct and will be adding it as suggested reading to the bottom of my earlier blog post.

Posted by: Dayngr at October 2, 2007 04:47 PM

I couldn't agree more on all points. I get very tired of "shared" applications, or invites, nor do I really care to join every single group that pops up. Although one is to think, does a social networking interface such as Facebook, promote anti-social behavior? Or just responsible social interactions? :)

Posted by: Gino Dion at October 2, 2007 03:48 PM

Facebook is the one place where all my categories of friends converge-personal, family, business, social network contacts, etc. I only actively invite those I have an actual connection with. I only accept unknowns after viewing their profile or web page. I try to keep and open door and use a little common sense. Who knows? If I had the number of requests that you did Jeff, I might just start hitting 'accept.'

Posted by: Scott Schablow at October 2, 2007 03:11 PM

I wish facebook itself could clarify these issues.
I find it obnoxious that a company supposively worth more then the country of Bolivia's net economy does not clearly state these things. Further... they do not respond promptly. It is important for facebook to have people ready to have a dialogue about what they feel is out of bounds. Any specific codes are obviously precedent. I do not expect to log in each time and agree to the Mosaic Ten Commandments.... but an on going dialog with official representatives would be nice. It is obvious that facebook doesn't care because they have no concern for the community.

We are trying to petition facebook to tell us why Noah David Simon was disabled. Facebook said that Noah was either exhibiting his nudity and or drug use or was threatening other people. I f you make these kind a libelous allegations then immediate specifics should be explained and elaborated. For one thing: if these charges are true there might be a violent drug using naked person hacking our accounts. Noah could be in danger, and so would his child Maxx Simon be in danger. Further people his community and circle of friends could also be in danger. It is an important security issue for Zuckerberg and his company to explain the details of why such a libelous allegation was insinuated.

http://simonstudiotheatre.blogspot.com/2007/09/propper-nomenclature-is-prostitute.html

Posted by: Noah David Simon at October 2, 2007 02:33 PM

I like them & agree with them! I'm glad that you changed the term 'rules'. My philosophy for using Facebook is very similar. I'm there to network & use it to communicate.

Posted by: Connie Bensen at October 2, 2007 11:02 AM

I agree with you on ALL points. Especially the biting and applications. I don't remember the last really useful application someone sent me.

Thanks for the early morning brain food.

Posted by: C.C. Chapman at October 2, 2007 09:27 AM

Every once in a while this topic you discuss crosses my mind, so that is why I am intrigued by it. "Please don’t be offended if I don’t choose to join your group or cause or event when invited or when I leave your Facebook group." EXACTLY!

And the same with applications. I just click Ignore or Refuse or whatever and the inviter should not be offended. I won't be offended when anyone chooses not to join a group or add an app I suggest. Same in off the net life.

I don't mind any of it because I like interaction, give and take. The thought of me just standing on stage is BORING.

Douglas, your question on finding friends? There is the World Friends app on FB you can try. Besides that, just be brave. About 80% of those on my FB friends' list I invited because I liked something about them, felt we had some common interests, and I could learn/share from and with them, all types of people. We're even steven, no one better than the other.

When you see a person in a group answering questions in a certain way that really makes your heart warm, a light go off in your head, ask them to add you and tell them why. Who cares about rejection? It happens every day. Thank goodness, we're not all snobs, and then again, we have a right to say, "Not interested."

Great topic, Jeff.

Posted by: Suzanne Bowen at October 2, 2007 08:51 AM

I invite "friends" known in my blogger and twittter realms. Rarely, I will accept or invite someone unknown, but only after I have researched their background and agenda. I don't care if I have 1,000 friends on FB or one. My blog philosophy transcends no matter what the app, to connect with my readers and those with a passion for our cause. Also, I do not share apps...I know I am busy and my "friends" are too.

Posted by: Lauren Vargas at October 2, 2007 08:43 AM

I really don't get erroneous friend requests on Facebook. However, if I did, I would probably add them if they look legitimate.

I have too many apps as it is, I don't need to accept any invites. And if you're using X me, the responses have to be as original as possible.

Posted by: AJ Schrier at October 2, 2007 08:40 AM

I think it makes sense to develop these. The rules of engagement are not clear, and letting people know how to interact with you makes sense. Shel Israel recently had a similar post for the same reasons.

Posted by: Geoff Livingston at October 2, 2007 08:36 AM

Great list. Thanks for the tips.

I'm new to Facebook and frankly don't know anybody on it. Sounds like you guys hit critical mass where you don't need to solicit friends. I could start adding people indiscriminately but then they wouldn't really be friends then, would they? ;)

Aside from searching for old college and high school buddies, any recommendations for finding new friends? Care to introduce me to a few? ;)

Posted by: Douglas Cootey at October 2, 2007 08:34 AM

For better or worse, I don't say no to any people who add me on facebook. Usually I don't know them, but I suspect they're good people and I'm willing to add them.

I *really* hate all the app recommendations. I hate the zombie invites, the My Questions invites, etc, etc. I just want to use the app the way Im' using it.

I rarely go seeking folks to add, unless I'm trying to reach them and haven't had success.

Thanks for the ideas!

Posted by: Chris Brogan... at October 2, 2007 08:18 AM