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July 29, 2008

Discovering YOUR Voice

Do you ever find yourself having a conversation with someone and all you end up saying are words which in effect say you are agreeing with them? Even if inside you really don’t? This used to happen to me often and I didn’t know why.

It took me a long time to realize it was because I just felt uncomfortable sharing my ideas and thoughts with that person. I was afraid to freely speak my mind and wasn’t comfortable saying something which may have not been in sync with the person with whom I was talking to. In an attempt to avoid being confrontational, I came across as someone who did not have an original thought, someone with no voice and someone with no perspectives to share.

When I was in High School, I thought agreeing with a girl who I was on the yearbook committee with would be a great way to progress a conversation and a further a relationship. I didn’t understand until it was too late was that she wasn’t interested in me mostly because I didn’t have any original ideas / observations to share with her. Who knew?

Looking back at the things I learned in high school, this was one lesson I have taken forward with me in my life.

In business, if someone asks you for your opinion and you consistently don’t have one to share, (or not willing or able to share it) , you might be looked at as someone who is “useless” and you are at risk to ever being asked to share your opinion again. It is hard to play the role of “consultant” if you do not have the confidence to speak your mind and share your thoughts when asked.

There comes a point in your life where you “Discover Your Voice.” You will learn to speak your mind outside of your immediate comfort zones. And when you can do this, you get the confidence to share your experiences and your opinions with others. Over time your confidence grows and this in turn will open up more opportunities for you. Once you discover your voice, your upside in being able to leverage your voice is truly unbounded.

So go speak your mind. Share your experiences. Say what is on YOUR mind, not what you think the others want to hear. Getting the confidence to share YOUR experiences and YOUR opinions is hard. But once you master this technique, you will be a different person and will be treated differently by everyone around you. I know because it happened to me.

And once you “Discover your Voice” try to help others discover their voices too.

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Posted by jeff on July 29, 2008 06:56 AM | Permalink

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Comments

With me, it completely depends on the audience. For people who hold my future in my hands, I am tentative and second guess myself. In social situations or nonpressure situations, I am very opinionated and express my views even if they are unpopular. I wish I could find some ground between those two poles where I neither hesitate to put my views forward nor feel compelled to when it would be best to bite my tongue.

Posted by: Liz at July 31, 2008 05:53 PM

Finding your voice also means, to me at any rate, finding my talents and abilities- to be able to 'speak' with them in some ways. So for me that's writing or for others it could be art or business skills or well anything really.


Other commentators are right about listening skills. Good listening skills are vital its true but so is the confidence to add our own comments to a debate.

Thank you, Jeff.

Julie
x

Posted by: Julie K at July 30, 2008 07:14 AM

Well, I'm gonna tell you, I've been in telecommunications and voip since there were dinosaurs roaming the beaches, and I've never seen such useful yet off topic information. I really don't know where to put your bookmark. Thanks for the great blog!
http://topratedvoip.blogspot.com/

Posted by: cableguynemesis at July 30, 2008 01:05 AM

Jeff,

I'll take your advice and speak my mind right here on your blog. I love reading Jeff Pulver's blog to learn about VOIP / Telephony / PR / Israeli Start-Ups / etc . . . I've noticed your posts lately have been more lifehack / leadership / self-help help related posts. While these posts are still worthwhile reads, it would be great if you could write more often about your "notes, comments, and observations" on the INDUSTRY.

For example, I'd be interested in reading your comments on the Ribbit acquisition, upcoming shows, etc.

Thanks!

Posted by: Elan at July 29, 2008 11:04 PM

cool, you nailed the most important point. When you understand yourself it is easier to understand others, and when you are resolute in what you believe you can help others cement their beliefs, even if those beliefs are not similar to your own.

Posted by: Darren Daz Cox at July 29, 2008 10:58 PM

@Wedge,

These are all things to consider during the course of the conversation. For me the hardest part was gaining the confidence to speak my mind and to share ideas when asked.

When exchanging ideas, try to remember there is a conversation going on. Instead of switching into lecture mode, stay in interactive mode and you will know when to be quiet and you will know when to talk. You will get a sense of the balance as the discussion continues.

Learning the finer art of voice modulation is something that gets easier with age.

And when you are passionate about somethin

Posted by: Jeff Pulver at July 29, 2008 08:30 AM

I was hoping you might give some guidance on when to back off. When to listen, when to engage with other people's ideas and most importantly, how to ensure one's voice does not overwhelm other people.

I found my voice some time ago, but I'm now learning to modulate it to the situation and respect other people's perceptions.

Posted by: Wedge at July 29, 2008 08:24 AM