The Jeff Pulver Blog: Being YOU

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August 21, 2008

Being YOU

Back when I was in high school, I remember sitting in class and listening to a teacher ask a question and not being the person who raised their hand to answer the question even when I thought I knew the answer. It was only after hearing others in my class get the question wrong when I would consider raising my hand and sharing what I believed was the right answer. If I was called on, I generally knew the answer but I rarely wanted be the one to volunteer it. All these years later I ask myself why did I behave like that in high school? I suspect part of the answer was that I was afraid of being me. I was uncomfortable with who I was and the last thing I wanted to do was to be noticed at a time when I would rather blur myself into the sidelines and be invisible to those people around me rather than be seen. And maybe I was just a “little” shy.

And maybe this is something everyone goes through when they are growing up. I’m not sure about this since I never asked anyone else about it. But given the chance to repeat this experience all over again, if I was going to re-live my high school experience, chances are I would act the same because that is who I was at that moment in my life. I was lonely, I was shy and I didn’t have a clue about a lot of things. (I was a geek and didn’t know it.) O.K., I still don’t have a clue about some things but when I was growing up there wasn’t a book of clues for me to read which informed them about the realities of life. For some yes there was Catcher in the Rye but not everyone in my world could relate to the world of Holden Caulfield. And looking back I don't think I could have really appreciated the power of being able to read "the book of clues" for high school students.

Then one day I woke up and understood that getting noticed is sometimes o.k. It is one of the ways we get to define ourselves. And I was comfortable about it. And I realized these awakenings are all steps in the continuing evolution of how we become the person we are.

Part of growing up included getting comfortable with myself. Understanding my faults, my weaknesses and getting to know myself as a person. And this isn’t something that happened over night or during the course of a day or a week or a month. No for me it is something that slowly transformed me over time. And something I think about even today.

There are times in our lives when we don’t know who we are or what we want to be and this happens for some of us more often than we know. There are times when the only person I ever talk to about this is me. This is the inner dialog in my mind that doesn’t always result in an answered question. Sometimes the person we think we are and the person we want to be are two different people. Sometimes we get lucky and there is a chance to blur our different selves together. Other times we need to deal with the reality of who we are verses who we have become. And along the way we need to be aware of what is going on around us.

My advice is when you find yourself during one of these periods of self discovery is that you should not afraid to be YOU. You are the one person directly responsible for your future. Be proud of who YOU are.

Once you are comfortable with who you are and where you are and where you want to be you are in the best position to assume the responsibility of being yourself. The rest is up to YOU.

Tags: Entrepreneurship, leadership, Entrepreneur, Jeff Pulver

Please consider leaving a comment. Share a thought. Share your experience. And feel free to find me on twitter and continue this conversation.

Posted by jeff on August 21, 2008 07:36 AM | Permalink

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Comments

Posted by: injection molding at June 18, 2009 10:13 AM

Hi Jeff,

Your experience sounds very familiar to me. As a kid in school, there was all kinds of peer pressure not to show up the other kids. I saw this more in grade school than later on, but it had a long lasting impact.

I don't think I fully got over it until I formed my own business, Human Communications. Then being me became essential to making the business work and I've gotten a lot more comfortable with that in the years since.

James

Posted by: James Rafferty at August 22, 2008 12:42 PM

I identify with this so well! I was so very shy in the same way, and it wasn't until I was much older that I felt a little more comfortable. Still later, I intentionally and purposefully set to make a campaign of sorts for myself to learn to be comfortable with professional networking and not clam up.

What I hear very often, and this is oddly comforting, really, is that so many of the people who I admire for being extroverted and outgoing and who seem to really shine in spotlight situations have all admitted similar feelings to me. I remind myself of that when I arrive at a networking event and feel a little overwhelmed y the crowd. Works like a charm.

Posted by: Amy Guth at August 22, 2008 10:16 AM

I was the same in school and didnt answer first, but it was because I didn't want to look like a show off in front of people who would potentially pick on me or single me out. If you had answered first every time, people may have become annoyed and not been your friend as a result, and you would be less happy and have less friends.I think not being yourself, or acting in a way to fit in with others, is an important aspect of growing up and ultimately helped me find out what I really stood for.

Interesting blog! Keep up the good work!

Posted by: Jaman at August 21, 2008 12:45 PM

Jeff -

I've been to your conferences many times over the years and truly enjoyed them. I have to confess that I never had the opportunity to really "soak" in your Blog. I must say, I find it amusing, insightful and thought-provoking.

Thanks for sharing.

Posted by: Jocelyn at August 21, 2008 11:03 AM

I've always been the person who volunteered to talk. (unless I was bored out of my mind and not paying attention.)

I always felt (and still do) intensely self conscious about this act, but I can't seem to NOT express myself. Whether it's comments on a blog, or being the one to speak up in a gathering of people or in a classroom setting.

I'll say something, then often obsess forever over whether it was stupid or made me look like a know-it-all.

Posted by: Zoe Winters at August 21, 2008 09:27 AM

August 21, 2008

Being YOU

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