The Jeff Pulver Blog: Social Media Insider: Sometimes You need to be Vulnerable

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February 12, 2009

Social Media Insider: Sometimes You need to be Vulnerable

Leading up to SocComm, I spent some a lot of time thinking about the state of social communications and the power of vulnerability.

In my Social Communications dictionary, I define “Vulnerable” as:

1. Sharing the human side of yourself inside of the social networks which you belong to;

2. Allowing yourself to put down your guard when connecting with other people social networks while not allowing yourself to become suspect of your friend’s intentions.

This is a subtle point to social communications and social networking and the way some of us experience the internet.

Twitter Newbies and twitter veterans who put up personal walls and never let themselves show their vulnerable side will never get as much out of social media and social networking than those who do. This said, for a number of people, this is their natural reaction when moving onto social networks because some of us were brought up to be strong, independent, self-reliant and are told in effect to deny our inner feelings when dealing with people on the outside because we are supposed to appear to be tough.

While many of us may be consumed with the time we spend connecting with others on our preferred social networks, there are times when it is easy to forget that while we were spending time on Facebook and twitter, “Life Happens.” And sometimes there are things in your life that catch you off guard and throw you off. This happens to everyone. (It has happened to me more times in the past 11 months than I can ever remember.) While your natural reaction might be to keep everything inside of you, one of the keys to social media that I discovered was that when you allow yourself to share personal moments with your friends, there are many times what you get back in return is a warm and fuzzy feeling. When you may least expect it, you may have connected with the hearts of the people around you and what you end up getting back is something that feels a lot like love.

Friends who have opened up themselves to others in a way which is comfortable to them know what I am talking about. And for those of you who feel like keeping your private life, your private life, this is your choice. But maybe the next time you have a life experience, you might want to consider experimenting a little and share the moment with your friends. You might get more than a little surprised as to how your friends react and how you feel as a result.

This isn’t a game. This is your life. And however you decide to share your life is your choice. But please consider sharing something about yourself the next time you are at a personal crossroad. Your words might touch someone in a way they otherwise never would have and along the way, you may end up feeling better because you gave yourself a platform to express yourself.

We are all members of the human experience. And like it or not, collectively we contribute to the social sculpture of the web. Try being a little vulnerable and see how it feels. See how many more people you may connect with and how many lives you might touch by simply letting yourself put your guard down and sharing a thought you would have otherwise kept to yourself.

The advent of social media has helped me liberate some of my feelings and has given me comfort at a times when I would have otherwise felt very much alone. The love is out there. It is up to you to discover these attributes on your own.

- -

Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable when you are online? Do you let yourself put your guard down? What have you experienced and discovered related to being vulnerable? Please feel free to share your comments and thoughts below.

Tags: SocComm, Vulnerable, vulnerability, social media, Social Communications, Jeff Pulver

Posted by jeff on February 12, 2009 06:56 AM | Permalink

Additional resources: #140conf events | Watch the Jeff Pulver Show | Jeff's Qik Videos

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I agree 100% - the concept of giving and being authentic is what it takes to build real life close relationships so why would the 'online' world be any different? In my mind it's not. What it really comes down to is where one wants to put their investment. More times than not people will invest their heart/mind into in person relationships where we can really connect with people.

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Posted by: frank at February 15, 2009 08:27 PM

Great post, Jeff. Completely agree. Not only do you get what you give, you get what you give X the number of like-minded friends you have.
Social media has the power to make the world a smaller, more connected and more human place if we do it right.

Posted by: Larry Robiner at February 14, 2009 09:59 PM

I think sometimes some people just need a little privacy and being openly vulnerable in public robs us of that right to privacy.

I'm considering putting the walls UP a little bit more. Sure, I'll be friendly, but really and truly, how much right do total strangers have to be that far inside my head and feelings?

Posted by: Zoe Winters at February 14, 2009 05:58 PM

I definitely agree with this. Just a few months into my blogging/twitter/social media world, my mom and my MIL were both diagnosed with cancer. While I didn't want that to be all I talked about, it was such a huge part of my daily life that it felt inauthentic, if not impossible, not to discuss it via blog and twitter.
I actually wound up getting so many good tips, about feeding chemo patients, dealing w. doctors, etc., and felt like I wasn't so alone. Actually, the day my mom had her mastectomy, I asked for positive thoughts for her in my FB status, and was so grateful for the love my friends shared. Thanks for the reminder. And FYI: My mom and MIL have both been officially cancer free for a week each.:)

Posted by: Rock and Roll Mama at February 12, 2009 10:20 PM

Excellent post, Jeff. Everyone who goes online needs to read and understand your message. I think that it's only when you recognize and share your vulnerability do you reach that next step in learning. You inspired me to think about that and I posted this. http://dougpete.wordpress.com/2009/02/12/sharing-vulnerability/

The first step is to recognize that you don't know everything and that can be a huge step for some!

Posted by: dougpete at February 12, 2009 07:54 AM

I strongly agree with what you're writing here. I take the personal connections as something very important when dealing with people online, and that's part of what has me rethinking about how to use the social media.

In particular have you noticed how twitter has changed in terms of sociability. How it's about self promotion of projects and rss feeds rather than the one to one connections from yesteryear?

I was watching some twitter interviews from the first ever London tweetup and there is a shift in how people view this social website.

I've been thinking and writing about these ideas recently. Have you been noticing the same thing?

Posted by: warzabidul at February 12, 2009 07:01 AM

that's right Jeff

my wife (aka Gotham Gal) says "you get what you give"

in social media, you get authenticity when you give authenticity (ie truth)

Posted by: fred wilson at February 12, 2009 06:47 AM

February 12, 2009

Social Media Insider: Sometimes You need to be Vulnerable

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